im made of matter but you make me matter more hold me down when all my molehills look like Matterhorn i wanna see you grow you are the apple of my eye the high im chasing reason why im faded cause my brains been tainted with your angel face i cant escape the imagery my vision engine guzzle gasoline efficiently what ive been envisioning you and me striding cross this land goin hand in hand ridin tandem bikes dinners lit up by the candlelight what a life but i know you focused on another though a lil better put together hes so wonderful and who am i to you another passing glance another dude that thinks youre super cute and wants inside your pants neva had a chance wouldnt dare to make any advances im more cowardly than france is but you feel like kansas got me clickin my heels thrice a different life and if i tried i might achieve it but my minds-eye's as blind as stevie i cant really see you with me your soul shines brighter than any imperfection you might think you have youre one of few things i can say i love without being sarcastic my lifes a letter to hermione writing just for you but if you really knew the truth i dont know what id do whats my next move i know self deprecation disclaimin all the attributes i have that ive been hatin i congratulate you on your great decision making arent i just so amazing? arent you glad we're dating i don't know im sayin idealisticly id like for you to be with me but i know im no good for you and so does he so if you notice me looking at you longingly across the room im sorry im misguided by my starry eyes i know my heart is filled with lies so i disguise myself i hide behind a mask im no future im an ass im no future for you im a hazy memory thats past livin chaste gettin sad for nothin cause ive given up on lovin hopin youre not bluffin like id ever have the guts to call it like your cellphone when im drunk as fuck i think about it often is it all for nothin

your carcinogenic kiss a soul a spliff a lifted bliss to hold your hands and smoke a gram and share it in between our lips ive been needing this ive been needing this i need this cause i need reason i should breathe and live i should give it to me i could give my self illusions and pretend a means to and end all my grievances set aside embellishing lies silent comprimise first prize blue ribbon pbr that's my right hand man thats a given "all i needs is me and my peebs" ive intended to be better than what ive become learn from all the shit ive done learned that standard is forever endlessly expanded relative to circumstances i dont get no second chances only second guesses to what i decide success is how objectively i try define all my blessings besting all my advisories like im actually competive and necessary umm not necessarily im my advisory askin me to one v one me with the odds against me feel like kratos got the gods against me feel like ive got plenty but im obviously empty fill me up fill me up fill me up make me think I can be good enough good enough for who or what im not sure i can even give a fuck if its all for me then im not really doing anything you said we all need a reason but death is all i believe in and my mood changin like seasons call me yung vivaldi no one should fuckin want me all i wants to find some cyanide inside my coffee please dont cut me off unless youre tryin not to talk to me ive been walkin down the greenway contemplating things i need to say to people in my life i havent seen in days weeks months years overwhelming fear of what ive become id rather be remembered for the person that i was not this ugly twisted fuck that is all i see these days hazardous i recommend you stay away promise ive got nothin good to say to you guilted by the tiiime that i take from you so i will seclude me solitudes the new-me but ill still acknowledge you im just a frigid father dude im doin what i gotta do im just a frigid father dude a frigid father cool dad dont bother frigid father cool dad dont bother me

i have extradited myself to an unphasable state of solitude at a young age i started taking my food to my room and i still do i remain idle during idle conversation because inflicting my opinions based on my misguided sense of self importance feels irrelevant inconsequential but i dont talk for the hell of it ive gotten so caught up in discovering purpose that neither i nor any other noun contain it cant explain it the blank canvas is art in itself but i stare deeply into it without amazement which part is my favorite cant decide to be decisive implies certainity but im always clouded by objectivity so ive decided im wrong i continue existing under the impression that my untimely departure would be destructive my presense applies some sense of comfort stability to the family structure but my ability to adapt after a crippling loss has gotten me lost im concerned i never really cared instead i mimic those that do in hopes that i will too as of today not much has changed and i doubt that it will part of me thinks life would be better off without what could be and should stick with what i was before whatever life was left in me completely drained because i think what remains is an insult to any impact i made on the lives of those that should mean so much yet seem so distant i have a date sticker that says "im a bitch" in my car and ive kept it because it feels so relevant to my existence im truely afraid to live cause the joy i should know seems pseudo to what i do know and operation ivy taught me something real well its that i dont know nothing and im debating double negatives in a world where its not even a relevant discussion while i should be debating what i want to do with my stupid fucking life that is if there is anything i really want and shouldnt i know what that is by now i guess what i really want is to want something blindly and truely without feeling dissociated

the pain ive known has grown and hollowed out a hole inside my head and called it home cause thats the heart-est part of me so pardon me if ive been bargaining i can't accept the role that I've been sold been tryna take it back but gods return policy is wack i guess im stuck and someones fucked and so am i a normal guy that only sorta wants to die cause i was born to die like lana del ray said think im going brain dead think i hardly think at all i think id fail the turing test cause whats the point in acing it being hella conscious for another dumb obnoxious day is just a waste id fuckin hate it anyway and overcomplicate what has been unaccomplished simplify my little life i get the knife and take it thats inevitable im lookin hell in the hole im losin all self control i feel like the girl in the coma from the last black mirror episode yellin from the back seat ridin in the taxi where the fuck im goin i dont know cause no one asked me does it even matter i dont think so do i even matter i dont think so starin into hell and i dont blink i know im there im burnin im maturin learnin i deserve it imma curse a person waiting on a hearse to take my corpse up to the church another sermon goes unheard about a nerd that spoke some words and went to work and paid his bills and walked on earth and now hes chillin in the dirt and feelings hurtin cause i served some sort of purpose but im gone now or im gone then but im gone now whats the difference if i exist with indifference whats the difference it doesnt make sense dont think i make sense i think myself to death

yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away but theyre a part of me no pardoning my heart is vague and incomplete the missing piece seems so ambiguous to me but i cannot stop listening interpreting this deafening uncertaintys disturbing me im burdening the ones that give me purpose the ones that make me feel worth it the ones keepin this wheel turnin i can feel the rubber burnin wearin down i dont know where i am now or how i got here apprently i just appeared here randomly a set of expectations and a family reality feels more like a parody embarrassing so whats a privliged asshole like me sposed to do numb myself to motions that im going through i guess is what im gonna do yesterday love was such an easy game for me to play but then you left i bled myself but somehow i dont bleed the same i need to hear you speak my name i need to hear you speak my name i need to change but i don't think im capable of such a thing i hate me why the fuck did god create me and let satan haze me preparation for damnation but you fuckin saved me raised me from the dead your necromancy animates me but i kept one foot inside the grave i gave me and i spend my days eliminating reasons youd want to reclaim me now im in my bedroom rhyming over beats complaining this distain i cant explain a language barrier will still remain and if you choose to love me after all of this i might just be the asshole that still feels the same

how can i convince you that its me and its not you without soundin cliche like its not true right now its hard to see because i lack proof give me 24 hours i can show you all the misconceptions on the surface you interpreted a version of a person you perfected from the absense of an active interaction now its actually happenin im not the man imagined in your head but instead you pretendin give incentive to continue like you dont have any issues cause its preferable cause being singles just a feeling unacceptable confrontation stays beyond contemplation if complacently you stay with me ill fill your vague vacancy still ya end up hatin me but im not surprised all it takes is time til you realize im a waste of yours and mine and i was right for once cause i was never right for us im never right enough to love someone

FUCK my heart stays in the dark playin marco polo in a pool of sharks my thoughts i got i taught myself and learned to just ignore em cause where the fuck would it take me baby already fuckin crazy lately ive been fuckin lazy i shock myself i fuckin taze me incarcerate me the pigs can take me im slop in the troth im colder than hoth im jerkin off distracting myself im hurtin myself cause i dont deserve myself or any of this wealth im gettin spendin money bein a dumby a puppet strings gettin pulled by geppetto hes up to somethin i dont know though cause i am mongo im just a pawn in the game of life im playin dont know why the fuck im stayin but im takin it day by day the rotation cyclin triflin im fightin cause i beez in the trap im seein the crap that happens i just read in between the facts and leave out the tragic shit im just copin and hopin im smokin dope i just go with the flow im floatin in a sea of uncertainty its potent i know my lifes not important but i cant just ignore it gotta take one for the team cause they need me im devoted even if i feel like leavin i know that im not goin i see the exit sign but it isnt glowin cool dads here to stay and im gonna show ya FUCK x2 im in heaven but my hell has intercepted my perception imperfection lingering in my reflection only flawed not a thought that he got what he needed to achieve it so he would never believe in it self defeat in every monologue everytime i talk takin shots cause the devil's advocate's the boss im a martyr was my alma mater but im not a father just a cool dad actin like a doodad then i took a good look back whyd i do that if they need it beat myself blue black just to prove that every motherfucker on this planets not a rude ass dude with some crude intentions gotta vision gotta plan gotta mission make my fellow man understand i just wanna make things right imma make this life good for everyone even if i gotta be a sacrifice thats my state of mind low self esteem take the hand delt to me im committed like a felony i dont give a fuck about my destiny anywhere i go im gonna rest in peace eventually imma be a scene in history nobodys seen another piece of text that you dont even gotta read another out of date out of place waste of space temporary phase like the moon imma wane imma do what i can but i wont promise anything everythings in vain same shit different day same shit different day but imma do it anyway same shit different day same shit different day

2x (please tell me) why (i) should give a fuck now god misery you're lookin down on watch it all burn now it's our turn to make sure its a place that we're proud of if yeezy a god why he wanna be president red white and blue all those colors irrelevant national pride aint a feeling im fuckin with represent you not the white devil government im gonna spread peace love joy and equality pay women better they workin as hard as me race implications are so damn disheartening skin is irrelevant listen your hearts beating uh it's fuckin absurd neglecting the things that we have on this earth ancestors printed on paper is that all these people are worth? nope preachin that theyve got a god in them im never seein it they get the power and currency showers then throw to the wind everything that their jesus did 2x why should give a fuck now god? misery you're lookin down on watch it all burn now it's our turn to make sure it's a place that we're proud of good bad right wrong left are relative open up ya mind realize your perspective is clouding yo eyes leavin you blind how you finna go and correct subjection try to make the whole world part of your perfection being number one is your obsession when ya gonna learn your weapons aimed at your reflection another homosapien breathless shot off his horse before breakfast life is too precious to cut it short feelin alives what im fighting for you can live yours if you let me live mine makin you happy it ain't wasting time but I must clarify im still asking you whatre you doin?!? and tell me that you don't know just doin what youre told follow the yellow brick road to your tombstone 2x why should I give a fuck now god misery you're lookin down on watch it all burn now it's our turn to make sure it's a place that we're proud of

2x got my boy doctorfarmz on the beat too weird to live too rare to die but rest in peace imma make sure hes heard this a memory imma make sure hes heard this a memory late night on Skype summer '13 I be leanin back sippin on my parents wine feelin like listening to up all night to get lucky by daft punk 27 fuckin times i could see the tears as they fell from his fuckin eyes laughin so hard wasted talkin bout life like a joke aint it? wish that i could but i cannot explain it turned a keyboard to a canvas hes paintin inspired others to do what theyre thinkin spreadin love with every breath he had taken now he lives on through the memories created bitch whatchya think this is toast chee? hotdogs over fires in Uwharrie smokin bongs singin songs no wingnut the pitch black cliff seems so deep bruh and the kid rocks at photography walkin around on a mountain in Alex's frog beanie find a place where we can lay in leaves stare in the sky and ask what it all means then we back to the basement blunt to the face for a downhill razor scooter race human perfected nature is the place where my friends from the Stinky Sock would congregate takin donations cause we hosting shows DIY punks we design our own clothes doctorfarmz freestyling on Casios are the days in the basement that i miss the most if only i knew what you got yourself into while i was in school would've rather been with you i couldve helped you resolve all of your issues and straighten that path that you happened upon now its too late and i cant help but thinkin its my fault that doctorfarmz gone cant thank him enough for the impact hes had on me hes the reason that im rapping at all Christian Farmer it was an honor to know you wish you were here i got some raps i wanna show you 2x got my boy doctorfarmz on the beat too weird to live too rare to die but rest in peace imma make sure hes heard this a memory imma make sure hes heard this a memory